With a holiday weekend approaching, we want to give you a radically practical tool you can use to stay close and connected.
We call it Evening Appreciation.
It's simple. It's fast. It doesn't require a journal, a candle, a therapist, a sage smudging ritual, or a 9-step communication framework.
As if that weren't enough of a sales pitch, it's a practice backed by decades of robust scientific research.
This research shows that expressing appreciation doesn't just make you feel good. It signals warmth to your partner, which opens up the emotional space for them to feel closer and more connected to you.
Here's how to do it.
1. Use "good night" as your cue
Like any habit, appreciation needs a cue. Something specific that reminds you, "Oh right, this is the time to appreciate."
For this practice, use your final moments together before sleep.
For us, it's the moment when we're both lying in bed at the end of the day, lights out, about to roll over and drift into sleep.
If you go to sleep at different times, it's the moment just before you say "good night" to each other.
That's the cue.
2. Shift to appreciation
Maybe you had a stressful, exhausting day.
Maybe the two of you argued about dinner cleanup, money, screen time, or whose turn it was to deal with mouse droppings on the front porch.
None of that matters, because now you have a chance to flip the script.
Instead of ending the day on a note of stress, resentment, or silent scrolling, end it on appreciation.
All you have to do is thank your partner for something specific.
It might sound like:
"I appreciate you for all the work you've been doing to coordinate playdate logistics with the other parents."
Or:
"I appreciate your dedication to preparing for next week's presentation at work. It's inspiring."
The key is specificity.
Try to avoid broad, generic appreciation like, "I appreciate you for being a great mom."
"Specific tells your partner: I see you. I notice the invisible stuff. I don't take it for granted."
3. Take it in
There's a skill to giving appreciation.
There's also a skill to receiving it.
The temptation is to deflect. This sounds like:
"Oh, it was no big deal."
Or:
"Anyone would have done the same thing."
Or:
"Yeah, well, I also forgot to return the library books and now we owe the city $13."
To receive appreciation skillfully, all you have to do is say:
"Thank you."
That's it.
If you want to go one step further, pause for a moment after receiving appreciation. Feel the glow of being seen. Savor that moment of connection. Really let it land.
What's great about this practice is that it not only creates an upward spiral of connection between you and your partner. It also shifts the emotional momentum of the entire day.
It's like taking an emotional U-turn at the end of each day, off the path of stress and overwhelm, onto the path of love and connection.